All accused to the dock please.
The Court of Mum Versus Fireman Sam:
Case Against: Fireman Sam will lead your children to believe that they can joyride a fire engine having nicked it straight from the fire station and not be turned over to the Police or youth detention. Rather he'll let you go free to commit multiple random acts of arson and mayhem.
Verdict: I hereby find Fireman Sam guilty of bullshit.
The Court of Mum Versus Postman Pat
Case Against: Postman Pat will have you believe that Royal Mail workers will consistently go out of their way to get your mail safely to you. Never do you see Pat realistically leaving a 'while you were out' card without knocking and whilst not actually having bothered to bring your parcel at all.
The Court of Mum Versus The Bubble Guppies:
Case Against: These little weirdos would have our young impressionable children believe that you can live under water whilst retaining perfectly styled hair.
The Court of Mum Versus Max & Ruby
Case Against: This show propagates the ideology that it's perfectly okay to leave a young child in sole charge of an even younger child, home alone. Also it leads them to believe that they can be irritating little shits with zero parental rebuking.
The Court of Mum Versus Dora & Diego
Case Against: Not once are we lead to believe that their adventures are imagined, rather they encourage young children to go out alone looking for talking animals in dangerous terrains and then celebrate every time they do it. Irresponsible M'Lady!
The Court of Mum Versus Bob The Builder
Case Against: This show instills the unrealistic expectation within our Spawn that Builders a) Turn up b) get the job done c) don't have a million excuses and even more tea breaks.
Todays court will now adjourn for