In case the previous post was a tad too cryptic for you (i.e you're far too young to possibly remember Ice Ice Baby....)
So, here's the deal After begrudgingly coming to term with the fact that The Husband descreed we'd be having no more babies, ever........Just before Christmas, we had shall we say a very unexpected surprise. I'm pregnant. Together 13.5 years, married for 9.5yrs, both in our 30's with three planned spawn together and we get a surprise baby. We weren't even drunk. Who knew The Toddler was part of a BOGOF offer?
Very early days. Very. After our early loss before The Toddler, we're all to aware that so much can go wrong yet right now, right here, I'm pregnant. It deserves to be said, to be acknowledged because no matter what happens, at this moment there is a wee little womb dweller within me. I'm terrified yet hopeful. Among the fear, I have a good feeling about this wee one. The force is strong in this one.
We were going to keep quiet until 12 weeks yet people deserve to know why we're nervous. I'm terrifically shit at keeping things like this quiet anyway. I first started drafting this post around three weeks ago. I fully understand and indeed respect those that do keep shtum for 12 weeks but ... I want to celebrate. Whether you tell or not, shit happens. It just means that should the worse happen your grief becomes alien and none tangible to others because to them, what you lost never existed. Thus your grief spirals to yet another level of pain, that is a lonely pain.
The terrible anxious first trimester is a roller-coaster, it's never fun to white-knuckle life alone. It has it's highs and lows and as we all know, it's good to talk. It's an intense period or time in life that should be documented.
I want this little uteruswomble to know that from the moment we knew they were there, we celebrated. This is our way of acknowledging them, their existence, right from the start. I will not let fear of past events deny them of this or indeed deny me of this frightfully exciting (yet nail-biting) time.
So, going by the wheel of 'you will conform' doom, I'm 9+6 today (my calculations however, have me closer to 9+2)
Scared? Try terrified. Excited? Beyond belief! How absolutely delightful, I get one last baby!
So, baby number four!
The Party of Five is to become The Party of Six! Oh shit.
But shhhh, we haven't told the spawn yet.