Thursday, 14 November 2013

We've all seen it, you log onto Facebook and you see someone set their public status as something along the lines of 'Feeling totally let down and pissed off' or 'Such an awful day'  or even an 'OMG! soooooooo excited!' It grabs your attention, it was meant to.  Underneath you will see a ream of concerned replies along the lines of 'RU OK?' (evidentially people were so concerned they momentarily lost their command of the English language) to which the majority are ignored until one of their select few inner circle ask the same thing to which they get a reply.  What is the reply?  'I'll text you later about it later!"  If you don't want to tell all and sundry what the hell is wrong, here's a tip....don't post something vague in a pitiful attempt to be cryptic on a semi-public place.  Yet you won't take that advice, will you?  Because you didn't do it to talk about it, it was a petty attention grabbing stunt just to see how many people would care enough to ask.  These poor suckers who did ask are then met with no reply because they're not elite enough.  Well pardon them for caring.

Another type of vague booking is someone 'checking in' at their local a&e.  They have time to do this yet apparently not an extra ten seconds to add a one sentence brief explanation.  That would be no fun now would it? Not when you want everyone to ask 'OMG what's happened?' Obviously the lack of response to the concerned friends serves to make them assume something sinister.  Occasionally they'll update to say they're home now and exhausted after a terrible night at the hospital, again with no explanation.  Maybe the next day they'll finally explain how they broke a nail or had a splinter that ended up with the trip to hospital.

It gets worse, it gets vaguer....'Does anyone know what time the walk-in centre is open?' They're asking on Facebook because Google gave them an answer without pandering to their attention seeking ploys.  Google would tell them the opening times without bothering to ask why they wanted them.  The only reason you would ask something on Facebook that is so easily Google-able is to create a sense of drama.  Do grow up.

Stop feeding the drama trolls people.  You're doing exactly what they're hoping for.  You're giving them attention and control of your attention.  If they are ridiculous enough to vague book, don't pander to them.  People who have something to say or genuinely need help or support will quite simply say it.

How many times have you been tempted to respond with 'well if you're going to text a select few about it later why the fuck bother facebooking it?! why not just text them to begin with?!'

Vaguebooking is when someone is being intentionally vague in an attempt to garner attention.


  1. Oh but OMG didn't you know don't worry, I'll tell you in an email ;)

  2. Actually doesn't it make you want to do worse ones "oh no, he died!"

    "crikey I've only won it!"

    "a wedding! Eek!!!!"

  3. Sometimes I vaugebook. I confess. There is another explanation beyond shameless attention seeking but it's no more glamorous.
    Sometimes stuff happens that I really want to talk about, mostly work-related - but my husband isn't home for hours, my three year old wouldn't understand or care, my sister is still at work and my Mum is watching something vital on tv. (this really happens, I phone and she's got to go because they're WATCHING something)
    I have no other people close enough in my life for me to contact and go "listen to me rant/be jubliant about my job" at without their invitation. I'm that pathetically distant from those I love. Also, because it is work-related, I can't actually articulate anything specific without either betraying some confidence or delving deep into unfamiliar straits of office politics, sometimes both. So, in my desperate need to just *express* I vaguebook. Usually that's enough to get it out of my system but if not, it'll throw up someone who actually wants to hear me bleat about my day.

    Other times it's just funnier to make oblique references to Ballistic Platypuses than just to straightforwardly state that I threw a soft toy at Matt who sits next to me.

    I understand if you defriend me now.

    1. Ahh but you see, you may be vague or cryptic but you're not actually vaguebooking. There's a difference between being unable to fully explain and simply needing to whisper into a cyber tunnel and hope someone hears you making the sound and wanting attention. There' cryptic because you literally can't expand on it. There's cryptic because it's clever and funny. There's cryptic in a sense where only certain people would understand there's a problem and thus contact you. Then there's deliberate, inane and persistent drama llamas who just want to feel popular.

      The latter could simply text their elite little muppets, use filters on their status, send them an inbox message etc but no.... they choose to do something in public, wait until oodles of unsuspecting people ask if they're okay then choose to either say 'yeah' or 'not really' without any explanation or expansion or else ignore them completely until one of their bezzies comments then tells that person only they'll text them?!

      Okay that made sense in my head.


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