The female of the species
Saturday, 16 November 2013
* Have worn leggings rather than tights just so you don't have to shave your legs.
* Your mouth automatically opens when you apply mascara.
* Have tried putting lip liner on the outside of your lips to get 'blow job lips'
* You've burst into tears when you're actually really really pissed off.
* You've shaved your legs in the bath and forgot to rinse the bath afterwards.
* You've have Googled at some point in your life 'can I pee with a tampon in?'
* You've tried the toothpaste remedy on a zit, at least once.
* Before you go out you have to wee at least twice.
* You know the location of all the 'best' toilets in your local town.
* You've warmed your hands up between your legs
* You've used clear nail polish on a ladder on your tights.
* You've fucked up your eyebrows through plucking at least once in your life.
* Have at least once in your life had to fold up bog roll and stuff it in your knickers because your period caught you off guard.
* When in a public toilet have at least once put paper down first so your wee isn't as loud.
* Have held off having a poo in a public toilet, sitting in silence until you're sure you're alone.
* If you need to keff you flush the toilet so nobody else in the ladies loos can hear it
* Have applied your makeup then removed it only to start applying it again
* Put your hair up several times, each time looks the same as the last yet you still do it several more times until you leave it.
* Have stood in front of a mirror and pushed your stomach out just to see what you'd look like pregnant.
* Have done the bathroom waddle, when you stand up and get a period gush and have to walk like John Wayne to get to the bathroom before it leaks everywhere.
* When you were younger practised kissing using a pillow/mirror/wall.
* When in the shower have pushed your boobs together and let the crevice fill up with water only to let go and watch it all cascade.
* Have plucked hair from between your boobs / near your belly button/from your nose/above your top lip/from your toes
* Have had a wank to get to sleep then realised sleep is over rated anyway so had another.
* Have panics about pregnancy before your period regardless of whether you had sex.
* Have a list of names for future kids or even kids you won't have, in your head.
* Said 'I'm fine' when you're absolutely not.
* Get a certain satisfaction out of squeezing a zit
* Subtley sniff your pits when you're out to check you don't stink.
* Do kegels whenever someone mentions them, only to forget to do any more until next time someone happens to mention them.
* Have laid down to fasten your jeans up.
* Have walked bare foot outside carrying your shoes because they hurt your feet that much.
What things can you think of that most woman have probably done at one point or another.....?