Porn and battering the spam javelin

Monday, 7 October 2013

Pornography appears to be something that stirs extreme reactions in people, not just the existence of porn itself but more often than not about whether their partner uses it.

I remember being genuinely aghast and a tad amused the first time I heard a womans rant about her partner watching it..  She was virulently irate and rabidly upset.  So, what's so wrong with it really?  

First off lets get the whole pornography thing in context, so long as it's between fully consenting adults I see no problem with it at all.  I don't sign up to the pseudo feminist bullshit of it being  degrading and tantamount to exploitation.  If it's between two consenting adults why shouldn't they do something they want to do, possibly enjoy doing and get paid for it?  Sex is something natural and instinctive with many people having it and many people loving it.  If you don't like it, simply don't watch/read it.  


Now on to the partner issue.  Some common 'issues' some woman appear to have with the idea of their partner using porn (please note this post refers to the casual use of porn not to those with an addiction to it and this post uses generalisations of course every geezer is different):

He obviously doesn't fancy me if he's looking at them, they look nothing like me!

That's the point.  They're not you.  They're random strangers.  They're not real people in your partners mind, they're just chess pieces of a fantasy.  Your partner most likely has no inclination to actually be with any of these woman or a woman like them.  This may come as a shock but, it's really not about you.  It's not because of you nor instead of you.  It's entirely unconnected to you.  Are you still together?  Do you still have sex? If the answers are yes to the last two questions then of course he fancies you.  You're his type, the woman in porn he watches probably look nothing like you because they're a fantasy whilst you're his reality.  

But if he loves me and we have sex, why would he need to masturbate?

Sex and having a five finger shuffle are two entirely separate things, sure they can go together yet mutual wanking as part of foreplay to whip up your fanny batter and solo DIY are two different experiences.  People get them selves off for all different reason, it's not always about sex often it's distraction, relaxation, stress release or even, yes really, for comfort.  Masturbation is normal, healthy and natural.  Having an issue about it says more about yourself than the act or the person partaking in it.  Sex, especially in a loving relationship, is about two people and is emotional, mentally and physically demanding.  Sometimes, people don't want the whole encounter focusing on someone elses needs they just want to exit reality for a while and zone out to a nice lazy wank.

Why does he need porn to masturbate?

Men and womans minds work differently.  When woman fantastise it's more indulgent, it's sensual.  Read erotica written by each gender and it will become obvious.  The female written erotica often focuses on all five senses whereas male written erotica is way more physical and visual.  That's the key right there, men are visual creatures hence why many of them use pictorial porn or video yet woman often prefer written descriptive stimulus.  A woman can usually close her eyes and bam, create a porno near instantly in her mind to flick the old bean off to whereas blokes prefer to have something visually stimulating in front of them.

It feels like he's cheating on me.

Really?  He's not emotionally invested in these woman.  He probably doesn't even watch the same video twice.  Have you never daydreamed about your fanny tickler? be it an actor, singer or even a character from a book or film? Does that mean you're cheating? No.  Is he still having sex with you?  Are you still emotionally intimate?  He's not having an affair, he's not talking to the actors and he's not touching them.  He doesn't even exist to them.  This is your insecurities.  He just wants to jerk off.

It's...disgusting.  Some of the stuff they're doing.  He must be secretly depraved.  He's not who I thought he was.

Men don't always watch porn to whack one out.  Sometimes it's just boredom or curiosity to see what's out there and to see what might turn them on.  If you've ever watched porn sometimes it's just pretty freaking amusing.  He may be disgusted too, just because he's watching it doesn't mean he has a boner.  Sometimes you watch something just to realise how not into it you are.  Believe it or not, it's not always about sex.  If he watches a horror movie, does it make him a homicidal serial killer?  

Does he expect me to do that?  

Has he asked you? Probably not then.  Just because he's watching Dilbert be tied up and rogered with a marrow  whilst wearing an electrically charged cock ring and a glow in the dark spiky ball gag by latex clad Madame Gimpfroid doesn't mean he actually wants it to happen.  Though you could always introduce him to his g-spot and some handcuffs if you're bored.

Why has he never asked me to watch it with him?

Have you ever asked him to watch it with you or if you can watch it with him?  Maybe he assumes you'll say no.  Maybe he's respecting your distaste for it?  Did you read out your favourite parts of 50-shades or nonsense to him?  Sometimes people just like things for themselves, once again it's not about you.  

Watch it, on your own at first maybe, you might like it.

If you do, invite him to watch it with you. You'll either both find it ridiculously funny or else shag each others brains out before it gets halfway through.

Pornography doesn't have to be sordid, it can be fun too.  It can even be, dare we say it, horny as fuck.  Or just plain ridiculous.

Just because you're looking at the pizza menu, doesn't mean you're going to order and eat it or that you're not happy with the steak in the pan.



5 comments:

  1. Love this post!
    There is nothing wrong with porn as long as, and you quite rightly mention, its between two consenting adults. I don't care if people think it degrades women, it degrades men just as much....but if they're consenting to it and its part of the badly scripted storyline then so be it.
    If you don't like it don't look or turn the channel over/turn it off.
    ...the thing that will freak me out? When I find DS or DD's stash when they're older...if only because that Danny De Vito moustache american dude will probably still be appearing x

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  2. This post is really insightful. Masturbation and pornography is a part of many people's lifestyle. Sex education may have improved in recent years, but masturbation is still such a taboo. I think it should be talked about during sex education. Men seem to be able to talk about masturbation much more freely and it is seen as much more acceptable than for women to talk about it.

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    1. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for reading.

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  3. I struggle wih this. I went through a time when i hated my boyfriend looking at porn, but over time we have come to a compromise ( he goes on it occasionally but not excessovely). However, still dislike porn myself and feel that too many women are forced (by partners and society) to accept something they are really not comfortable with. Good post, well written xxx

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