Who's that girl?

Friday, 1 June 2012

Who am I?

30-something . female. mother . wife . in love . breastfeeder. co-sleeper . baby wearer . british . ex-serial student. ex-civil servant. lover . oddity.

It's becoming curiously obvious to me that I'm edging ever near the fateful middle age, when everything is supposed to be sussed. I don't think anything will ever be sussed in my life, not really. I dance between being too grown up and not grown up enough.

I'm anxious and paranoid and possibly irrational. I hardly ever pick up the phone if it rings and I hate answering the door. I very rarely say the right thing & yet I'm often right. I'm awkward and clumsy. I like to write and take pictures yet I'm not very good at either. I wish i could draw and sing. If you ask to meet me I'll probably say no and really, it's not you...it genuinely is me. I'm incredibly lonely yet am petrified of making friends. Sometimes I seem withdrawn and cold when I'm probably just sad. I'm sad a lot. Sometimes I talk to much and am full of good ideas and aspirations, positively aglow with creative thoughts (that I'll never achieve). I can't remember what my real hair colour is. When i grow up i want to be a midwife or a shrink or a herbalist. I'm indecisive.  You my not get my humour, I'm dirty and sarcastic. Sometimes I'm too caustic for my own good. I swear too much, not as much as i used to but more then i should. I'd like to be a domestic goddess only I'm a shit housewife and a questionable cook.  I have an obsession with Twilight. It's my midlife crisis. I spend way too much time online. I haven't had a cigarette since November 2003 , a drink since July 2009 and have had two nights out since the end of 2003. I'm a recovering goth. I read alot & mostly in the bath. I used to role-play and do LRP. I think i have elf-envy. I glitter in the sunlight (then burst into flames) I love the sound and smell of rain.

I'm scared of the future and I'm probably scared of you. One day I'll do something amazing & one day I'll figure out what it is that I'll do. I procrastinate a lot.


  1. I think you write beautifully, full of truth, feeling and empathy. I often wish we could be "real" friends.

  2. We are 'real friends' the fact we haven't 'met' yet is just a minor detail ;) I adore you :)


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