The 'me' in M.E
Friday, 8 June 2012
I'm exhausted. Bone tired. Soul tired. It's not just the lack of sleep (The Toddler is teething Molars, last night I had 90 minutes of broken sleep) nor the bouts of Insomnia in between. I can always tell when a trough is approaching, my throat will get sore, I'll get an increase in headaches, my short fuse shortens further and my mental health tips towards the unstable side of the scales (more so then usual that is) then comes the fatigue or 'chronic fatigue' as it's called. I could sleep for a week and still be tired. I need sleep yet even if i get it there is no sense of refreshment or rejuvenation gained from it just an insatiable need for more. The fatigue creates a thick fog in my mind, my thoughts slow down and slur, words escape me, my short term memory cripples itself, all motivation evades me. The exhaustion is like a hoard of vibrating ants fizzing through my veins making my limbs feel ineffective and leaden and 'buzzy'. They ache, it's no stabbing pain or sting it's a heavy dull ache. It's an effort to raise my arms. My thoughts feel numb. Everything feels like an excruciating effort, even talking. I lose all interest in anything and everything. I get enveloped by episodes of mania, buy things I may very well need but can't really spare the pennies for then eviscerate myself with guilt. Then the land slides, the scales adjust again and the depression drags me spiralling into it's centre and I'm too exhausted to care so instead I just close my eyes and wait for the ride to be over.