Life's a journey, not a destination

Friday, 8 June 2012

With a weight loss journey there comes a new suitcase of insecurities.  You're not yet slim nor at your goal yet you're a remarkably long way from where you used to be.  Your old clothes are far too big and ghastly they were more of a disguise then anything.  Yet you have no idea how to dress this new awkward figure that is too fat to be slim and too slim to be fat.  I admit I've been failing abysmally lately, I still have at least a stone more to go ideally a stone and a half.  I have absolutely lost my diet mojo.  It's a case of being so close yet so depressingly far.  One thing that helped last time was to buy some clothes from eBay, I found that looking better at the weight I was somehow inspired me to work harder to the weight I want to be.  However, as they became a tad too big and I finally found jeans to fit I fell back into the old jeans trap which has a knock on effect of feeling dowdy, frumpy and lumpy exacerbated by the great bra failure.  Ill fitting bras do nought for the confidence nor figure.

So in an attempt to regain the mojo, I've bought some clothes from eBay, however I have no idea how to dress anymore nor what suits me with a belly that's too large and a chest that's too large.  My old favourite clothes of gothiness and hippyness are far far too tiny for me to wear and new items are simply far too expensive even preloved.  I've bought some dresses.  I don't know why as I look awful in dresses.  I wanted to try something different and to make an effort. I struggle to feed The Toddler in dresses yet with short ones and leggings the dress can be lifted as if a top when at home.  I'm so far out of my comfort zone it's unreal and I feel like a total berk or mutton dressed as lamb.  I see clothes that I know are lovely and see a 'style' in my head yet know it would not suit me yet on the flip side whilst knowing what won't suit me I have no idea what will. I've lost all sense of identity, my obesity ate it and now I'm no longer obese I still can't find it again. It's at times like this when a woman needs an honest friend to say 'that looks okay but that one looks hideous on you' there's no point asking The Husband as everything looks 'fine'

I don't know who I am anymore on so many levels.

If I can't be me, maybe I can be someone new.  Somebody better.


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