Vanity

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

How far do you go in the name of vanity?  Me? not very.  I must admit to being somewhat bewildered and ignorant of the masses of lotions and potions promising a whole host of benefits in scientific jargon hoping to baffle your money out of your purse leaving the unsuspecting consumer with wholly unrealistic expectations that they'll end up looking photo shopped to perfection because of this anti wotsit time reversing super complex booster.  Have you seen the prices of them?  No really.  Now, I fully plan to grow old gracefully, I have no intention whatsoever of attempting to look ridiculously young when I'm realistically old yet neither do I want to look haggard before my time.  I once dabbled in Total Effects when it was on offer yet I can't really say I noticed that much benefit after three months let alone enough to warrant the cost of it and yet that is actually one of the cheaper on offer.  So here's a revelation.  I bought anti-wrinkle day cream with 'Q10' (seriously, it may as well be R2D2 for all the toss I give) and matching night cream at £1.99 each and a nifty thing you roll under your eyes for £2.49.  What can I say, I do believe they actually work and all three for less then one pot of well known branded.  I think the ones I bought are Derma10.  I have sensitive skin and yet they neither irritate nor sting, my skin feels more supple and smoother and the eye doodah?  The puffy bags under my eyes have virtually gone in less then a week.  Vanity doesn't have to bankrupt you. 

I'm afraid that's about as much effort as I conjure and even that is needs nan epic portion of concentration to remember to slap cream on twice a day.  Perhaps I should say I'm probably beauty inept....vanity challenged.....or maybe simply I really just can't be arsed.

I see little point in spending 20 minutes of my life every morning trying to for all intent purposes polish a turd.  I've never fully understood the allure of all the time  and money invested in precision application of makeup designed to look natural and like you're not actually wearing any.  Generally if i wear makeup it's usually thick black eyeliner (well i never claimed to be cured of gothness, only ever in remission) and the like.  Granted when I have too much time on my hands and an unusually moderate level of patience I may dally with my makeup and sometimes yes, I do feel the confidence boost of 'making an effort' unfortunately not enough to trifle with the debacle every bleeding day.  The novelty soon wears off. My makeup is mostly from E.L.F and thus affordable, i'll admit to being somewhat curious by the famous touche eclat and mac pigments yet neither my purse nor my brain can quite manage to see past the price tags.

Then there's hair, egads I'm lucky if I remember to brush it, the notion of styling is lost on me beyond that.  I admit I'm a dye addict and have been most colours under the sun and am rather fickle with it too.  I'm most thankful my hair hasn' fallen out in sheer horror protest.

I have always been fortunate enough to have fast growing strong nails yet other then the occasional nail polish that I always leave on until it naturally chips off (grunge baby, yeah) the mere thought of manicures and buffering makes my brain ache.

I fail to understand the attraction in marinating oneself in eau de toilet.  It makes my throat constrict, my nose crinkle and my head hurt.  I literally retch when one of these marinated woman pass me on the bus and you can still smell them the next day.  I'm all for the countries that have banned it in workplaces etc.  Less is more people, seriously.  Subtle is attractive, overpowering is quite frankly assault on my senses.  If you stink so badly you have to cover it up with half a bottle of perfume every day, just get a bloody bath!

Tan, I can understand to a small extent peoples desire to look tanned yet myself am milk bottle pale and proud of it.  However it is absolutely beyond me as to why some females of the species insist on going orange.  Orange is not a healthy nor a natural skin colour.  Ever. Quite frankly it looks absurd. When I first saw it I assumed it was simply a mistake, a bad choice in shade and then the realisation hit, these people are aware they're orange, and actually strive to remain...orange.  Why? Seriously I'm not being obtuse, I genuinely can't fathom why. Olive, Golden, Sunkissed, understandable.  Orange though?

Oh dear i'm not a very good female  am I, perhaps i'm broken.

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