Rewriting the rules and taking the pee....
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
The Toddler shouts 'wee! Wee!' And proceeds to frantically tug at his trousers. I dutifully take them off for him and pass him the potty he was gesticulating wildly at. He whips off his cloth nappy and flings it at me with a loud 'Urgh!' And stands, yes stands, over the potty whilst staring at his winkie willing it to wee. He will only wee standing up and he can 'make' himself wee and indeed stop mid wee (handy for when I snatch away books and other things he finds it gloriously funny to wee on, it means he can save some wee and pee on the next random item he shouldn't pee on)The concentration was intense and the frustrated grunt humerous. Voila! A wee, albeit a tiny one. Hoorah! He rejoiced. I rejoiced. Hell, The Dog , rejoiced.
Having cleaned the potty I heard 'weewee!' Again. I handed him the potty again yet he shouted 'NO' and hurled it over the gate. Rinse and repeat. He wandered off to his house, grabbed his bucket and stood bold as brass in front of me whilst he pee'd in it. He handed it to me to empty and I gave him the potty back. Another cross 'no' and the potty got another flying lesson (perhaps they were on bogof.....) and the bucket was dribbled in again with a forced wee.
You see, we're not actually potty training per se. We're far too lazy and I simply abhor the notion of 'training' babies to do anything preferring the more organic approach of providing the tools and let them develop as they see fit. Besides, I know from Thing One and Thing Two that if they find it funny and have wee games then they're not ready, leave it and revisit a few months later and it just happens without fuss.The Toddler is still so young, I'm not expecting him to get serious about it for at least another 6-9 months minimum.
We attempted sticker rewards with Thing Two and the devious little madame discovered if she made each wee into three seperate wee's, she should, technically, be entitled to three stickers and three performances from the parental cheering squad.
Likewise the little cretins find it fiendishly funny if a parent gets remotely angsty over their 'lets make puddles all across the carpet and splash in them' antics, in fact you could say they find it piss funny. However, if you neglect to react and just unceremoniously clean up, they soon get bored.
Whilst I remain undoubtedly impressed by their (when it suits them....) bladder control, I fail to share the hilarity of it.
Unfortunately, for me, The Toddler loves to take full advantage of the nakedness bath time entails and tries to piss on as many towels, books, patches of carpet as he can, issuing himself a congratulating round of applause and cheering after each dribble. Needless to say he is the only one cheering. He then has the bare faced cheek (get it? ha!) To point and exclaim 'wee wee!' Until I scrub.
His game is up now though, mean mummy keeps him firmly, despite rabid protestations, in her grip until The Husband is ready to put a nappy on him. Ha! Take that sweet toddler o'mine! Back of the net!
His latest obsession is the toilet. He loves to put his seat on, sit on it, steal bog roll to noisily blow his nose before shoving it between his legs and into the loo. He then hops off (having not wee'd) via the little stool and tries to flush it before he allows you to plonk him in the bath (where he does actually wee....as you do) He is terribly territorial over the toilet and wails 'miiiine!' Whilst working himself into a right little tizz. It's rather tough shit though for the little fellow as that loo has to serve 5 people.
Maybe he should stick to the bucket afterall.... it's tremendously portable too with it's nifty little handle.....