Not to be morbid or anything but I 'should' have been 8 weeks pregnant today. I'm fine, really. I just have mini-wibbles on Tuesdays. I think that's allowed.
The Husband was most thoughtful in the fact he's scrubbed out the 'First Scan!!!!!' on the Calender on the 30th of this month, I simply do not possess the heart to point out that the small yet significant 'weeks' are scrawled on for each Tuesday. Often the things others forget are the things we're destined to remember, alone.
The Child is awaiting the immense excitement that is to be his first ever school sports day, bless. Unfortunately due to the grimness of the weather it's been postponed already and the mean parents that we are, we live in hope that it will also be postponed tomorrow due to a manic day which is looming ready to assault us with it's rather complex logistics.
Typically parents evening has been scheduled for next Tuesday which seems pretty unremarkable until you factor into this that Tuesday is the first evening I'm due to go out since, wait for it........ 2003. Wonderful timing, no?
The Toddler decided to forgo the actual act of eating her tea tonight and instead favoured a new found joy in the activity of filling the holes of a potato waffle with peas and then bashing them down with a spoon. It sounds positively brutal yet she does it meticulously and oddly enough from her, it seems nigh delicate.
This of course was after her pre-tea shenanigans. Perched upon my knee, conversing with Dora, she started to bite her hand and consequently burst into tears.
Me: "Oh what's the matter honey?"
The Toddler: " I hurt my hand, look!"
Me: " Why did you bite it silly billy?" (whilst kissing it better)
The Toddler: "I was eating my hand because i have no food to eat and I'm so hungry"
Me: "You could have just asked for some food...."
Okay. Ooooookay. Usually the silly child simply asks for food and it is thus given to her. Just to reassure you that The Toddler is not actually starved and is not being forced to cannibalism she had eaten considerably well today and I immediately got her a snack, as is the norm.
The husband is hiding in the kitchen in fear of having his bones jumped. Men are so hard to please I mean really, he sulks throughout the long term lack of my libido and when it returns he neat whimpers with the injustice of my demands. Little does he know that I'm neither in the mood nor seemingly fertile (not that it's stopped me nailing him scarily often this past week) tonight so he's actually quite safe.
Ah yes, that old chestnut. Fertility. I am suspended in the land of limbo, my fertility returned after a massive absence down to the extended breastfeeding of the delightful Toddler in a somewhat erratic and frustratingly non predictable pattern. Miraculously I became pregnant and yet obviously we lost our much wanted baby. I now have to contend with the unknown of waiting too see just how much The Miscarriage will further distort my already distorted cycles. the unfairness of it is simply unjust.
I'll cease from boring you with the details but needless to say after much heart searching and navel gazing (minus fluff) we have weighed the facts, researched until our eyes bled and decided to try and catch the Scarlet Pimpernel of an egg (we seek it here, we seek it there...) that may or may not make a journey before the unknown return of Aunt Flo makes an appearance sometime in the next oh four to 8 weeks. Confused? you should be. It's agonisingly frustrating not knowing any dates, numbers nor time frames to work within and with a small stab at retaining sanity I'm attempting to not pander to my psycho-obsessive nature and refrain from the trappings of opk's and bbt charting despite the temptation both of which I managed to resist and conceive our little lostling. If you're blissfully unaware of these abbreviations, think yourself lucky. Oh how I wish to unlearn that which I have researched, it was so much easier with The Child & The Toddler, ignorance was bliss and pregnancy was achieved fairly effortlessly.
Once again I should be in bed, once again i'm not. When will I learn the benefits of having an early night? What the hell am I rebelling against, i'm 29. Go to bed woman. Shoo.