The apron strings are flapping manically like cage birds and there's a dull thud in my heart. I'm clock watching again. Trying to imagine that what I cannot see. I hope you're okay. I hope you're having fun. I hope you're happy. Yet in that pocket of my heart that has your name upon it.... I hope you're missing me too. Not overwhelmingly, just a little bit. In the background.
The Preschooler is no longer a preschooler. Last week was his first week in reception yet it was just mornings. Today it starts for real. Today The Dude is there all day.
I knew it was coming. It even makes a little sense now that Moomin is here. It alleviates some of the guilt born of having a demanding newborn to attend to, knowing that you're occupied rather than sat wanting. Wanting me. I'm not ready though.
You'd think with him being my third it would be easier yet with each child your youngest stays younger longer.
It only seems like yesterday when I'd cuddle you to sleep in my bed and you'd cuddle me awake in the morning. Even when debilitated with this last pregnancy my little cuddle monster.... You were here. Cuddling me.
One day you won't ask for cuddles anymore. One day you won't want them anymore.
Nothing reminds you of how powerless you are against the passing of time than having a child enter full time education. It becomes even more obvious when you bring a new baby into your family. You realise how far we've all come. You realise how fast the time passed.
So I'm sat here missing you whilst cradling your newborn sister to the breast knowing that one day she'll be starting school too. I'm determined to cherish every minute. I don't care for houswork it can wait. I have one last baby. Time is ticking. I'm filling the time with cuddles.
Thing One has started his last year of primary, Thing Two has started her first year of primary and you my darling your first year of infants. Where has the time gone? With Moomins birth so recent I still vividly remember you all being born. Being newborns then toddlers then preschoolers.
As soon as you're born it's like someone presses fast forward. You end up battling between the futile task of trying to freeze it or at least slow it whilst at the same time trying to cherish it.
Under four hours now and you'll be home.
Squishy nappies have reappeared in my laundry, I can remember all three of you wearing nappies and they're now all replaced with uniforms.
You're still as much my baby as Moomin is though. So are Things One & Two. You'll always be my babies.
Fairy are currently running an #OhSoSoft campaign encouraging us to make the most of the precious preschool years and the oh-so-soft cuddles they bring.
You're never really too old for cuddles though. Not really. They'll always be a time when words are unnecessary and not enough. When only an oh-so-soft cuddle from mum will do. Yet whilst your babies are babies and cuddles are in abundance, embrace the moments, the chaos, the mess, the noise but most of all the oh so soft cuddles.
You'd better believe it that as soon as you get home from school today, there's no escape. This cuddle will tell you I love you, I missed you, I'm proud of you and that you're home.
Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post yet all words and opinions expressed are my own